Peeling off the Mask

I have known her for quite some time and yet describing her is so difficult. She is a child curled up in a corner not trusting anyone or anything . She appears to be a smart woman, aware and cognitive of who she is yet not letting the rest of the world see inside. Did something happen that turned her inwards? Was she abused, was she neglected or did she just decide nobody is worth seeing her or loving her. 

(She has a family. She has been married for over 30 years. She has children and grandchildren. She has held jobs and been social.)

She keeps secrets. Trusts no one and is very suspicious of everyone. I can remember having coffee at a coffee house with her and the entire time she was paranoid, jumpy and uncomfortable. She knows reality, understands right from wrong and seems like she wants to be liked, but keeps people from her.

She begins to tell me stories of her childhood but never anything specific, as if she doesn't really know herself. It is frustrating at times having conversations with her because in the middle of talking she stops and clams up. Her entire body language changes. It is as if someone walked into the room that she is afraid of and doesn't want them to hear her talking about things.

She has many "layers" and i have seen a few of them.

I will call her Patty:

Patty is a bright energetic woman that is friendly, outgoing and loves attention. She flirts, laughs and engages in conversation. Patty has the confidence to do or accomplish anything. She stands up to people  and gives her opinion.

I like Patty

 She is easy to talk to and very funny. She is not afraid to show emotions, she cries, she laughs, she lets you know how she is doing. Patty to me is a normal person.

I will call her Amber:

Amber has the soul of an old grandmotherly type. She wants to make sure everybody else is okay and doesn't need anything. She comforts others when they are not well or need a hug. She is a quiet woman that watches and learns. She listens with remarkable attention and gives feedback that really makes sense and is helpful. Being around her gives a sense of comfort and being. She has an uncanny way of making people feel relaxed and calm.

I like Amber

I will call her Molly:

Molly is the one that she is. She is very closed up, she is dark, she is quiet, she is HER.

Anything that Molly tells me is suspect. I am not sure if she trusts me or not. When Molly and I are talking she rarely looks at me and she is watching everything around us. 

Her body language reads that she doesn't want to be there.

She clutches her purse as if it is holding secrets that must be protected. She doesn't offer any information unless asked and still then her answers short and not revealing.

I am trying to like Molly

Is it fair to dissect the personality or personalities of a person? It is or has never been an attack on her. In many ways she and I are very much alike. We both have had struggles in life which may or may not have had or have an affect on our lives. She is in and out of my life. Why? Not sure. 

This is coming from the mind that parallels the things from which I have observed of HER.